return my video game
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
