I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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