I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
