I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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