Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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