i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
