i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
