i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
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how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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