Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
