i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize