So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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