Texts From Last Night

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  (801): View more from Utah

  all he gave me for my birthday was sperm

  (254): View more from Texas

  at least its a homemade gift

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  (801): all he gave me for my birthday was sperm (254): at least its a homemade gift http://tfl.nu/gvzk
  Replies (16) Good night (5899) Bad night (1236)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

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  (336): Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her. http://tfl.nu/icjy
  Replies (54) Good night (2769) Bad night (15295)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest

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  (413): this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest http://tfl.nu/t110
  Replies (22) Good night (5403) Bad night (1004)
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  (949): View more from California

  You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?

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  (949): You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5? http://tfl.nu/3tc1
  Replies (15) Good night (7687) Bad night (1067)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.

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  (267): i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough. http://tfl.nu/ija6
  Replies (29) Good night (2128) Bad night (6963)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"

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  (586): on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish" http://tfl.nu/8ky3
  Replies (10) Good night (3104) Bad night (1339)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream

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  (828): Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream http://tfl.nu/n2ta
  Replies (13) Good night (2646) Bad night (675)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.

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  (918): Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business. http://tfl.nu/hekp
  Replies (7) Good night (719) Bad night (1164)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.

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  (250): Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life. http://tfl.nu/nnhi
  Replies (8) Good night (1053) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.

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  (320): So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian. http://tfl.nu/850i
  Replies (2) Good night (1240) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"

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  (817): And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?" http://tfl.nu/ufhu
  Replies (5) Good night (1218) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...

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  (512): I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to... http://tfl.nu/6eke
  Replies (13) Good night (653) Bad night (1928)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.

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  (561): Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old. http://tfl.nu/6giy
  Replies (1) Good night (599) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night

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  (323): We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night http://tfl.nu/njny
  Replies (0) Good night (333) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.

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  (313): Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud. http://tfl.nu/p5tt
  Replies (2) Good night (341) Bad night (637)

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