Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial

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(908): i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial http://tfl.nu/oypl

Replies (6) Good night (1614) Bad night (620)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.

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(513): I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace. http://tfl.nu/1kl9

Replies (27) Good night (734) Bad night (2435)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.

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(405): I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat. http://tfl.nu/2u5h

Replies (17) Good night (2564) Bad night (988)
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(208): View more from Idaho

She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"

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(208): She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it" http://tfl.nu/kuso

Replies (27) Good night (647) Bad night (4583)
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(520): View more from Arizona

The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.

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(520): The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out. http://tfl.nu/jqhp

Replies (5) Good night (2445) Bad night (1101)
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(713): View more from Texas

He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance

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(713): He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance http://tfl.nu/pus5

Replies (11) Good night (823) Bad night (3149)
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(678): View more from Georgia

Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.

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(678): Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous. http://tfl.nu/26wz

Replies (2) Good night (3313) Bad night (753)
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(623): View more from Arizona

We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight

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(623): We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight http://tfl.nu/am5b

Replies (4) Good night (2500) Bad night (700)
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(618): View more from Illinois

An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.

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(618): An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name. http://tfl.nu/g5lt

Replies (5) Good night (2463) Bad night (663)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing

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(404): I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing http://tfl.nu/nbfy

Replies (25) Good night (911) Bad night (1504)
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(775): View more from Nevada

A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian

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(775): A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian http://tfl.nu/crio

Replies (2) Good night (1863) Bad night (468)
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(256): View more from Alabama

I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.

(1-256): View more from Alabama

I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them

(256): View more from Alabama

FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT

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(256): I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship. (1-256): I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them (256): FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT http://tfl.nu/i1rw

Replies (6) Good night (1667) Bad night (960)
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(562): View more from California

I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"

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(562): I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??" http://tfl.nu/7nog

Replies (6) Good night (951) Bad night (425)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs

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(908): If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs http://tfl.nu/w28c

Replies (1) Good night (636) Bad night (376)
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(618): View more from Illinois

i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop

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(618): i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop http://tfl.nu/c36z

Replies (0) Good night (505) Bad night (278)

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