Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
