I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.