White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.