im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.