So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.