Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
