Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
