i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
