considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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