i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
