Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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