The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
