Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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