Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
