these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
