Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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