I heard we made out
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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