Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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