all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Enjoy the penises
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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