There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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