Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
