Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
