I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
