You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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