I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
