For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
