i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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