Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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