theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
