lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH