Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.