The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
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jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.