just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.