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He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
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