My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
