I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
