Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
