You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
