We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize