I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
