i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
