I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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