Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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