K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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