I accidentally had phone sex last night
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Actions speak louder than pants.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
