the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
