You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
