Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
