Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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