Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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