If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
