I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
