Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize