His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
