The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
