I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
