ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
