I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
kristin has been a bad kristin
Four minutes until I can fart!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
