My underwear smells like fireworks.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
