WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
