I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
