I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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