After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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