return my video game
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
